My son

4 days ago we welcomed our son Nash Ryan Pozzer into the world.  It was a crazy period of about 72 hrs, 3 hrs sleep, and Im still feeling the effects.

I've read many times about how you can't fully prepare for having a baby, and I went in not realy knowing what to expect as the whole thing unfolded.  It was also a bit of a surprise that we ended up at the hospital, but I suppose it always is.  Those who know me know Im a pretty solid person.  It takes alot to tip me emotionally one way or the other.  While Christine was off in her own little world of labor, Stephanie (the doula) and I were just trying to make her feel comfortable and I was taking pictures as I could.  I didnt feel anything particular.... excitement, apprehension, fear... just maybe a sense of watching the clock and hoping things would finally happen (we hit a bit of a stall at 9cm).

Finally they did though.  It was time for Nash to pop out, and all the doctors kinda just appeared out of nowhere.  I was more watching things thru the lens at this point, trying to a)not get in anyone's way, b)not photograph the doctors who'd requested as much, c)get a view of what was going on for myself, and d)take a decent picture as now the adrenaline was starting to surge and I was starting to shake a bit.

While I cant say it hit my like a ton of bricks, I'm snapping away as Nash is emerging into the world.  1 minute, just a head top, and then all of a sudden hes there, all fully formed, being placed on Christine's chest.  That's when it kinda came out of nowhere and I start to choke up.  I also tried and stay under control because I needed to capture this moment.  One minute Im just taking pictures of some doctors, the next Im looking at my son.... frame by frame... as he's lifted out and finally here after the long hard road we'd had to travel to bring him.

Things wound down, doctors cleared out, and I sat on the birthing ball for a few minutes to regain my composure.  Christine slept with Nash for an hour before they moved us to the ward for her overnight recovery.  I quietly packed up my gear trying to make sense of what just happened, and how life had just changed forever, still fighting back a tear from time to time.

Nash arrived 10 days early.   No problems there, but bad timing in another regard.  I had been having a problem with my wisdom tooth again, and decided I better just get this thing pulled out now so I have time to recover for when the baby arrives.  I had the 2 bottom teeth removed thursday morning.  Thursday was obviously an uncomfortable day, but by friday I had no swelling, no immediate pain, and was able to talk pretty well.  Fast forward 12 hrs and we are sitting in the bathroom, on the phone with our doula telling her we think its time to head to the hospital!  Unexpected this is, and unfortunate. Thankfully, I made it through the entire 18hr labor and well into saturday without feeling any major affects from the surgery, and was thinking how much of a walk in the park it had been.  WRONG!  It finally started to hit me the day after the birth when we had all arrived home, and the past few days have been aweful.  Its unfortunate because it's realy been the only low point in this whole crazy wonderful experience.  But, each morning now Im feeling a little bit better... which is why this morning I started to write this.

I was prompted to write this after it all finally started to hit me Sunday night, standing in the shower, my head absolutely spinning and feeling like it was about to burst from the surgery side-effects.  Maybe it was the medication, or something, I don't know.  A crazy string of thoughts just started to come out, and I though I should write this in the blog, even though its not particularly photo related.

One thought in particular has come back to me many times in the past few years, which is that it's how my dad absolutely drilled into my head that having kids was a bad thing.  Well, maybe that's not worded properly... maybe I should say having kids to early is a bad thing, because you need to be able to care for them properly.  That's probably more accurately what he meant...  cant do as  much effectively parenting as a crazy teenager.  But for some reason that has always stuck with me and was probably the cause of my reluctance to become a father myself in the first place.  I don't blame him for how his lesson stuck in my head, but I often wish he'd never realy said anything and maybe we would have been able to get the baby ball rolling years ago, and avoid some of the hurdles we faced.

Another thought I had was that I dont think I say thank-you enough to people.  It's not because I'm not, because I always am!  I have no problem asking people for things.  My motto has kinda always been 'if you dont ask, you dont get'.  I myself feel like Im a pretty generous person and if someone asked me for something Id do my best to help.  So i guess I expect the same from others, and why I usualy have no problem asking for favors big and small.  And yes of course I say thanks when given something, but in this instance I mean the more important thank-yous.

So, I think for fear of later retribution, Ill first thank Christine.  Being a mom has always been the most important thing to her... the only thing she's ever realy wanted.  I put her through alot of hard times making her wait because I wasn't ready to be a dad.  Im sorry I did, and I now wish I would have been more open to the idea sooner.  She was patient and she waited it out with me though, and here we are.  Not only that, but I want to thank her for being so strong over those 18hrs.  After taking a hypnobirthing class, and expecting the baby to come sliding out on a greased rainbow, it wasn't quite so easy.  Watching her push for 2 hrs, I was genuinely concerned she might pop something in her brain.  But she was strong and got thru it without any medication or intervention of any kind, and has so far been a great mom to Nash.


Second, I need to thank Stephanie Alouche, our doula.  Ive never felt so greatful to someone who is basically a complete stranger to me.  I also cant believe how caring SHE could have been to us, also complete strangers to her.  I tried to capture the empathy in a few of the shots.  Her help that night was invaluable.  It felt like having a family member there to support us the whole time, as well as someone we can now talk to with any questions that come up.  Also, I understand she makes great placenta soup... or something!



Obviously I need to thank our familys for their support, the great baby showers, the endless stream of gifts, and all the help they are going to be as Nash grows up.  Christine's Mom Carol is staying with us for 2 weeks, and its so nice to have another set of hands and eyes, and someone to help with dinner and house work.

So I think that's enough typing for now.  Obviously as previous posts show, Im not one for long winded stories.  Here are some of the shots from that night... carefully combed thru to select the ones that Christine would be ok with having up on the net for everyone to see.  I guess the rest are just for us!